


Remembering A Time Before

by Savannah_rea



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Killua Zoldyck, Gonkillu - Freeform, Killugon - Freeform, M/M, Porn With Plot, Post-Canon, Savannah_rea, Top Gon Freecs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:13:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29594007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savannah_rea/pseuds/Savannah_rea
Summary: Killua returns to Whale Island with his sister, Alluka, to deliver a message to Gon from Kurapika about the expedition of the Dark Continent, but it goes a bit different than Killua originally imagined.A short story about the life of Gon and Killua and the story they share before they enter the Dark Continent!
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 11
Kudos: 54





	1. Reunion x Change

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this along time ago, and I decided to post it! Enjoy! :3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua returns to Whale Island with his sister, Alluka, to deliver a message about the expedition to the Dark Continent from Kurapika, but his meeting with Gon took a bit of a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this awhile back, but I thought I’d publish it!

Killua remembers this. Watching the waves lap against the rustic wood of the tipsy sailboat; he remembers the feeling of the salty air against his tongue as he’d close his eyes to relax to the sound of freedom, happiness. The air is a bit more chilly, blowing his face raw until a permanent blush dusted his cheeks. His clothing wrinkled in the wind, but it’s lighter than normal— since he grew out of the weighted clothes his family gave him. How old was he again? Seventeen? Eighteen? Huh. It’s been a long time,  _ too  _ long. 

He remembers balancing on the thin wooden pole, cloth sails crinkling, and the fabric sounding as it clashed against the wind. Twelve-year-old Gon stood next to him, smiling joyfully and excitedly pointing to his hometown: an island looking  _ legitimately  _ like a whale. At the time, he didn’t understand Gon’s excitement. He didn’t understand the happiness to  _ go  _ home let alone bring a friend over. When Gon showed up at his house, Killua was eternally grateful that he was  _ worth _ someone sacrificing what normalcy they had to venture into that hell-hole-of-a-house. For that, Killua did everything he possibly could to repay him, and Gon wanted him by his side at the time, but does that still apply? 

“Isn’t it pretty?” said Alluka, her breath fogging and fluffy earmuffs tucked over her ears, her rubbing her mittens together as an attempt to get warm. 

Killua watched, bemused. The Zoldyck estate was chilly all-year-around due to the high altitudes, so it felt like summer to him. He hummed as a response, but anxiety still crawled like long-legged spiders, swarming inside his stomach, making Killua fidget uncontrollably. 

Alluka sighed all-knowingly, “you babbled non-stop about Gon, and now you’re having second thoughts?”

“I’m not having second thoughts,” Killua countered. He knew he wanted to see Gon,  _ but was he ready for it? _

The pro hunter’s gaze returned to the mystifying fog near the peak of the mountains. Faint snow gently blanketed the fur trees. Killua could already feel the moisture. He wondered again if it was okay to visit without further notice. The Gon of the past would welcome them in without hesitation. Hell, he welcomed  _ everyone _ in, and Killua had to protect Gon from sketchy individuals even though Gon would lecture him about being too ‘stiff’ or ‘worrying too much.’ He snorted, envisioning Gon’s face with a childish pout.

Then it hit him. What if Gon isn’t even home, right now? Kurapika spoke with him nearly a month ago over the phone, mentioning Gon reverting to his life before. Before he was a hunter. Before he had a purpose. 

It’s unfortunate. Despite different upbringings, they were the same. Gon saved Killua and helped him discover he was worthy of living his own life. Killua glances over to his sister, tenderly patting her head. He and Alluka never would’ve made it here if it wasn’t for Gon. 

So now it’s time for Killua to return the favor. 

“All aboard! York New City!”

Townsfolk gathered around, waving and welcoming visitors or hugging loved ones goodbye. Farmers held their woven baskets of fresh fruits and vegetables, stopping in front of each passing visitor’s path.  _ Chatter, chatter, chatter _ . A man with wheat hanging from his mouth stopped in front of them, smiling with crooked teeth. His skin’s wrinkled from too much sun exposure and his plaid undershirt rolled at his sleeves and stuffed into his muddy rain boots. Before Killua could tell him off, the farmer spoke in a gruff voice, “no way, Killlua?” 

_ Do I know him? _

“You used to wonder about the town with Gon back a few summers.” 

Killua nodded, forcing a smile, “Ah…”

Alluka stuck her hand out, “I’m Alluka, Killua’s younger sister.”

“You folks coming to visit Gon?”

“Yup!” Alluka responded. Killua shot her an annoyed look, but she ignored him, “is he here?” 

The man frowned, “Dunno, he hasn’t been out much.” 

_ Oh _ . Killua’s heart dropped. Something changed, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“Well, take something to eat. It’s sure to be a long hike.”

The siblings hesitated. 

“Don’t worry, it’s on me.” 

Alluka smiles, grabbing a ripe apple, “thank you, sir.”

Killua picked a plum. They were a bit sweeter than apples. After mumbling their goodbyes, he and Alluka walked along the dirt path, Killua sinking his teeth into the flesh of the plum. Whale island fruits always seemed to taste fresh year-round, he thought to himself. 

“You haven’t been speaking much since we left the port,” Alluka voices out in concern. 

Killua dismisses the idea, “ I didn’t notice.”

She rolled her eyes, “yeah, yeah. What are you afraid of?”

_ Afraid?  _ Afraid of change, maybe. Or rather, the wrong type of change… like when they faced the royal guards in East Gorteau. Killua forgave Gon. There wasn’t any point in holding a grudge against him. Gon’s selfishness was childish, and though it served as the optimal resolve for that particular fight, he had much growing up to do. Killua narrowed his eyes. Suppose he would have continued traveling with Gon, then Killua’s dependence, possibly their  _ relationship,  _ would’ve morphed into something entirely different. That’s the change Killua feared.

  
  


“There are more like Nanika?” Killua’s eyes widened.

“ _ It appears so. It’s a parasitic species that evolves differently depending on their host,”  _ Kurapika lowered his voice over the phone, and Killua listened intently. “ _ I was able to gather some information hidden by the government, which even hunters don’t have access to. From what I’ve been told, there have been three individuals who survived the dark continent prior to this expedition, and each of them brought ‘souvenirs.’ One of them was a Zoldyck.” _

__ “I’ve heard something about this before. Are you asking Alluka and I to venture to the Dark Continent?” Killua glowered. 

“ _ No, it’s up to you to decide. The Succession War is coming to a close, and I heard some rumors that The Phantom Troupe is here along with a member of the Zoldyck family as a new recruit. As of right now, it’s a war zone, but it’s at least something to consider _ .”

Killua’s hand quivered in shock at the mention of a Zoldyck joining the Phantom Troupe. Had someone ignored Father’s warning? Maybe… maybe it  _ was _ Father. He swallows the lump in his throat, “I’d be risking intervening with my family, the dangers of the uncharted territory,  _ and  _ The Phantom Troupe.” 

“ _ Precisely. I know it’s a great risk, but it’s a risk to everyone.”  _

_ It sounds too dangerous,  _ but he knows it’s up to Alluka, as well. He sighed.

“ _ I actually have something I have to ask of you.” _

__ “Hmm?”

“ _ Gon hasn’t been answering his phone. I need you to spread the news to him. His father is leading a separate expedition that’s a bit less dangerous. Ging told me that Gon called him a few years back, saying that he’s unable to use NEN.” _

__ “So you need me to go to Whale Island.”

_“...yes. I don’t know what had happened between the two of you in the past, but you’re the only one I know that can reach him right now._ _I’ll call again next time I have a chance.”_

__ “Wait-“

The line went dead, the phone buzzing in his hand. “Dammit!” Killua slammed the phone on the counter.  _ That bastard can be so demanding, sometimes! _

__ Alluka, awoken from slumber, rubs her eyes, “Brother, what’s wrong?” 

Killua’s expression softened. He sighed and leaned over, picking up stray clothing and shoving it in his backpack, “get ready to travel to Whale Island.” 

  
  
  
  


A cozy house came into sight upon reaching the peak of a grassy hill. A sudden gust of wintry wind blew the bangs from Killua’s eyes. He remembers ambling up this hill for the first time, thinking that  _ this was the middle of nowhere _ , and wondering what was so special about this place. It was until later Killua realized that its normalcy is what made it special. 

“Is that it?” Alluka bounced.

Smiling, Killua nodded. 

Aunt Mito watered the plants with a beaten-up watering can, rust eating away at the edges of the spout. Mito hasn’t aged a bit, her shoulder-length, strawberry blonde hair tugging behind her along with her light pink apron tied around her waist. Her eyes widened when noticing the Zoldyck siblings, “Killua, is that really you?”

Killua nodded, pausing next to her, Alluka right behind him. 

“My, you’ve grown so much! And who’s this?”

Before Killua could open his mouth to answer, Alluka interrupted him,  _ again,  _ “I’m Alluka, his younger sister.” 

_ I guess she wants to speak for herself.  _ There have been times, recently for the most part, where Alluka complained to him for being too protective. I guess he’s like the family in that way. Killua frowned. 

Mito shoved them through the door, “come in!”

Killua sweat dropped, shoulders tense, and feeling horribly awkward and out of place. Subconsciously, his eyes darted to every corner for a sign of Gon. Alluka, on the other hand, gaped at all the decorative furniture lining the walls of the kitchen. Killua dumped their medium-sized suitcase off by the front door. “Where’s Gon?” He asked, praying he didn’t sound dismissive to Mito’s presence or eager like a teenage girl. 

_ Is Gon not here? Did something happen to him? Would he be upset by their intrusion?  _ Questions, questions, questions pumped adrenaline through his blood stream. Sweat gathered at his palms. Killua wipes them on his pants when no one’s looking.  _ Stupid.  _

“He went out this morning to do something in the forest. He should be back any time now.”

“...Oh,” Killua responds off-beat. 

"How long will you guys be staying?" Mito asks, fidgeting with Christmas lights strung along the top of the fireplace. Velvety, crimson stalkings lined the panel: Gon, Mito, and Grandma. Killua assumes it was the twentieth of December, but since holidays weren't even considered in the Zoldyck family, Killua often forgot about them. Only Grandpa remained somewhat associated with a religion, so if anything, the Zoldyck's were Jewish. Killua shoves his hands in his pockets and leans against the wall.  _ I guess that's a reason my yo-yo has the Star of David on it.  _

__ “Only for about a week or so,” Killua responded casually.  _ Though, that time will depend on Gon completely.  _ He finds himself staring at the front door for the umpteenth time, anxious to see what sight would welcome him. 

Alluka tip-toes over to Killua. Over the years, she managed to grow an inch taller than Killua, which felt like a massive punch to his masculinity. Would Gon be taller than him, too? Probably. He is an enhancer, after all. Regardless, Alluka didn't have much trouble leaning over Killua's ear and whispering, "what's with all the weird decorations?"

"Have you guys never celebrated Christmas before?" Mito asked. 

Alluka's hair bristles, caught red-handed. 

Killua snickers at her reaction before responding, "Our family isn't Christian."

Mito hums, "You're welcome to celebrate it with us! We never celebrated it for the meaning behind it. To us, it's no more than a simple gathering and handing each other gifts to show our appreciation."

Alluka's eyes gleamed at the word, 'gifts.'

Killua sighed. His answer will depend on a multitude of things... but mostly Gon. 

Mito clapped her hands, "Anyway, let's get you situated in a bedroom. We don't have any guest bedrooms, but Alluka can stay in my bedroom, if that's okay."

"Yup!" She raised her hand then skipped to the said bedroom.

Killua opened his mouth, but the words failed to come out, "Wait-"

She left the room.

_ Tch _ . Who's protecting who here? And why does he feel the need to hide from Gon?

Suddenly, the front door slammed open. There stood a man hardly familiar to him. Spiky hair— disheveled with pine cones and pine needles forming a nest— stuck out in all angles, a twig tangled in the mess here and there. Tan skin-- so much skin-- and carefully carved muscles slapped the former assassin right in the face, but the smile stayed the same: a cheeky grin that curved dimples on his freckled cheeks. His white tank top had sweat stains along his torso, thinning the fabric a bit too much. Killua suppressed the urge to both run away or crush his lips with Gon’s. 

No. Those were the feelings he's supposed to ignore.

"Killua?" The smile instantly wiped off Gon's face, staring with an unreadable expression.

Killua's heart dropped. He expected this to go different. He expected Gon to disregard all sense of personal space and crush him into a hug... at least, that's what the Gon  _ he knew  _ would've done. "Hello, Gon." 

The enhancer kicked his boots off, stepping closer to him with concern lacing his gaze, "Killua never called."

"And you never answered, dummy."

To Killua’s relief, a large smile reappeared on Gon's face. Gon whipped his head back in a laugh. Killua could see the sound vibrate the enhancers chest.

Oh. 

His voice deepened much more than he imagined; the sound still made Killua's heart thump-- a power Gon probably always had.

“Gon Freecss!” Mito’s scream rattled the house; Killua jumped to the nearest corner of the ceiling. She marches downstairs with heavy footsteps, “you’re becoming more like your Father everyday! What did I tell you about returning home before dark?!”

Gon stuck out his tongue— his reaction to near-death, apparently.

“Take Killua and grab some supplies downtown. We need to be ready for Christmas.”

Killua, exchanging glances, “I- er…” but his silent protest was ignored by himself and others. He expected Gon to bolt out the door without a moment of hesitation, and Killua would have to sprint to catch up, praying the other didn’t take a detour in the bushes as he often did so many years ago. However, he could tell times were different because Gon waited expectedly for Killua’s answer, standing at the door with widened-eyes. Even his stance was patient, neutral, feet planted on the ground and no longer bouncing to space and back. “Yeah,” Killua offered a sincere smile, “I’ll tag along.” 

But as he should’ve expected, the walk to town was awkward. 

The sun was a burnt orange decorated by the pink hue from bulbous clouds, and dust puffed from beneath their feet as they patted along the dirt pathway, a pathway he traveled across with Alluka hardly an hour prior. 

Killua was used to hiking. Sure, they had tour busses leading to Zoldyck estate, but the front gates and the actual residence were miles apart. Killua liked the hike from town to Gon’s house more, though. It was surrounded by life— birds, foxbears, tropical fish in nearby ponds, and they’d even come across a few citizens here and there.

But Killua wasn’t sure if he enjoyed  _ this _ particular hike as much. He wondered if speaking would make it better or worse. Drowning in uncertainty, he kept his mouth shut and head dipped low, watching each footstep engraving Gon fabricated in the soft soil. 

“Are you and your sister staying for Christmas?” Gon asks, breaking the prolonged silence. 

Killua shrugs, “I’m not sure. I came here to deliver a message from Kurapika.” Which was true, but it came out much more dismissive than he had intended. 

Their gaze doesn’t meet. Gon’s head remains turned to the path before him, “oh, then why didn’t he call himself?” He responds rather harshly.

The transmitter bites his lip, hardly suppressing a wince, “you didn’t answer when he called.” A long, in-drawn breath, “I’ll explain everything later, and then,” he looks Gon in the eye, lips curving to the right in a hopeful grin, “maybe we could catch up?”

Finally, their gaze met, Gon’s tawny eyes still wielding the inquisitive glint. His lips stretch to a toothy grin, dimples carving his cheeks, “I know just the place to take Killua.” 

Killua hummed an affirmative sound, relief flooding over him, “I’ll count on it.” 

  
  
  


Town was as crowded as ever. The markets always seemed so full of life. Local farmers advertising their booths and the old ladies on their porches mingling and sewing patchy quilts. Killua noticed a particular necklace for sale, a pink stone shining from the frame of a silver chain. Alluka would like that. She liked girl stuff. 

He didn’t even realize Gon left his side until he saw a large figure stumbling through the crowds with Mito’s shopping list taped to his thigh, and carrying baskets the size of four grown men. Anyone who didn’t know the background of their training would raise an impressed brow and wonder how it was proportionally possible. 

“Are you sure we need all of that?” Killua questions, bemused, laughter bubbling violently behind his clenched jaw and shut mouth upon seeing baskets and baskets of vegetables, spices, and meats covering Gon’s entire self. Only the tip of his hair was visible, peeking over the woven basket. 

“Yeah, Mito likes to make a huge feast on Christmas! I bet she’s especially happy that you and Alluka are here. I know I am!”

Heat rushed to Killua’s cheeks.  _ Nope, he’ll never get used to it.  _ “Come on, moron, let’s get you back before you kill someone by tripping on a rock.”

And as they took the same dirt pathway home, Killua began questioning something he didn’t think about before. Maybe Gon’s not prepared for the Dark Continent, but does he even  _ want _ to go? If this were the old Gon, Killua would think, yes, without a doubt. But it wasn’t. Gon quite possibly put his adventures behind him. 

He turned his gaze towards Gon’s struggling figure and narrowed his eyes.  _ I bet he’d still mindlessly put himself in danger. _

“You look ridiculous,” Killua retorted. 

Gon groaned, the rumbling sound crescendoing when an apple escaped his grasp and rolled down the hill. “Would… Killua,” Gon’s voice struggles out, “would Killua like to  _ help? _ ”

The transmitter did consider it, but waved it off, “nah, you need the extra training,” a feline smirk curled his lips. He ran ahead, “I’ll meet ya at your place!”

Gon threw down the baskets and let out a childish, lengthy whine, “Killluaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-“

Killua snickered. 

Maybe, there were some things resistant to change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD I’m tired, but this is a small collection I wrote awhile back; I separated it into small chapters so it’d be easier to edit and read. 
> 
> Hope the first part was enjoyable! I’m hoping to spice things up here pretty soon >:3


	2. Late x Night x Discussions

Sleep didn’t get easier over the years. Generally, the night was the time Killua would roam the streets, searching for a conceivable approaching danger whether it was when he was looking after Gon or Alluka, but there was no such danger in Whale Island. It left Killua bored. Of course, his mind never left him  _ completely _ bored, but the last thing Killua felt like listening to was his demeaning thoughts. 

Darkness, but since Killua trained for late-night missions, everything appeared bright as day. He glanced over to Gon, who laid on a separate mattress adjacent to Killua’s, his back faced towards the former assassin. 

A familiar warmth blossomed in his chest when Gon let Killua sleep in his bed mere hours before. His welcoming smile, voice full of light-hearted laughter, “I’ll let Killua sleep in my bed. I’ve gotten used to sleeping on the floor mattress since you stole mine when you lived here.”

Killua didn’t protest, but he should’ve thought ahead. The last time he visited, he had an attachment to Gon, sure, though it was far from  _ this _ — a feeling so intense that it rattled his core and lit a fire in his soul. Especially after Gon’s absence in his life up until now, the  _ scent  _ that suddenly surrounded his entire body left him tingly, hyper-aware, and disgustingly aroused. 

He tried to distract himself in every way he possibly could, and he avoided staring at Gon, no matter what. Maybe he would get hypnotized by the ceiling fan or he’d stare out the window until his mind blanks. God, he’d do anything for that. 

“Killua still has trouble sleeping?”

The transmuter’s senses spike. He hears the sheets of Gon’s bed crinkle. He could only see a black outline of Gon’s general shape, but by the tone of his voice, Killua easily imagined his facial expression— a dark amber stare wielding wonder. However, it’s different from the childish wonder, Killua could sense. 

He still doesn’t look at Gon. 

“And do you still think sleep is a waste of time?”

The enhancer laughs, leaving Killua’s ears ringing, “many things feel like a waste of time, now.” 

There’s a marked silence. 

Gon speaks again, “want to go to our stargazing spot?” 

_ Where the feelings began. _ It did cause Killua to hesitate. “Was that the spot you planned on taking me?” 

Gon hums; Killua imagines a small smile curling his lips, “one of them.” 

They sneak out the window moments later. Killua follows Gon across the roof with silent steps, careful to not wake Mito nor Alluka. The action feels natural, instinctual almost, falling onto the fluffed grass that has constant dew from the moisture in the sea breeze. Killua absentmindedly brushes his shorts off; all of his movements pause upon finding Gon staring at him, intensity rolling off in waves. “What?” Killua snapped.

“Your hair,” he takes a step closer, a bit  _ too  _ close, “it’s always been pretty in the moon-“ Gon interrupts himself. He probably noticed Killua tense, thinking he went too far. “Sorry,” he says in a quiet voice. 

Killua struggled to bite back a frown.  _ Why did I tense up? _ He thinks to himself, but he knew why. It’s the same reason a virgin ceases up when touched by someone they love, admire,  _ desire.  _

__ He opens his mouth to say something to lighten the mood; the words die on his tongue. Or perhaps, they were never there in the first place. 

Gon enters the forest, and Killua follows. 

  
  
  
  


The small clearing on the cliff above the lapping water seems smaller than Killua remembers. Each footstep on the rich soil feels foreign and familiar, all at the same time. 

Killua sits down, crossing his legs and staring at the ground, feeling lost about it all— all of the emotions he  _ should _ be feeling instead of what he  _ is _ feeling, all of the responsibilities he  _ should _ be thinking of rather than what he  _ is  _ thinking of. 

“So,” Gon breaks the silence. Well, silence if you don’t include the trickling water or the distant hum of nocturnal wildlife. “What made Killua decide to visit? I know it's a risk staying in one area with Alluka and Nanika for long.”

Killua lets out a shaky sigh, “Kurapika is aboard the Black Whale.” 

“Leorio told me.”

Killua nods, “but Kurapika mentioned you spoke to your dad, who’s leading a separate expedition.”

Something about the air between them changes. Killua instantly feels like a parent lecturing a child for missing out on an opportunity when in actuality, it was quite the contrary.

“I can’t use… nen anymore.” Gon’s lips slightly quiver, lids narrowing, and his posture timid. “Ging mentioned it’s like starting over— that my nodes are shut, and-,” his voice cracks, yet it’s hardly noticeable, “and that I’m lucky that I have the  _ opportunity  _ to start over after I threw everything away.” 

_ Yes, he threw everything away.  _ Killua swallows hard. 

“I didn’t even know I was hurting Killua until I saw him walking down the town streets with a young girl. No,” he gulps, and Killua could hear the strain behind it, “I knew. I did what you feared most over and over again, but for some reason, I thought it would all blow over. It seemed like any other time before I saw your face.” 

Killua remembers the exact time Gon was speaking of. He sauntered down the paved streets of Town Square with Alluka an hour or so after she woke up. Alluka wanted to look at the new types of jewelry; Killua couldn’t refuse.

Of course, he expected to run into Gon sooner or later, and he now wonders,  _ which was harder? Seeing Gon with mangled limbs and piled with bandages? Or seeing him bright and sunny as if nothing ever happened— as if this was normal?  _

Amidst crowds of commonfolk and traders, Gon touched his shoulder, and the single touch of his palm told Killua,  _ it’s him.  _ But the shock, the happiness intermingling with horror crashed like a tidal wave, and his expression told no lies. Though he couldn’t see himself during that time, he could imagine what his face showed. Pupils contracted in fear, mouth slightly agape, and shoulders tense with limbs shaky. He looked at Gon like he was a monster and a god, all at once. 

“Killua, what did you see when you saw me that time?”

Killua snapped back into the present. “I-“ his heartbeat was too loud, a sound deadening him from the world around him. “I don’t know,” he half-lied. 

“I see.” Gon narrows his eyes, expression saddened. 

Killua listens to the fire crackle, patiently waiting for his heart to beat in a tranquil rhythm before speaking again. Embers flicker like fireflies. 

_ Fireflies _ .  _ Another memory with Gon.  _

Killua clears his throat, “so do you plan on venturing to the Dark Continent?”

Gon turns his head, wide-eyed, “does Killua?”

“Not sure,” Killua replies honestly. “It depends on a multitude of things.” He smiles, “one of which depending on whether you’re an easy kill or not.”

“I’m not!” Gon protests. 

That response breaks a dam of relief. “That’s the Gon I remember. I was worried you were going to keep moping around and mumbling forever.” Killua raises a whimsical brow. 

Gon sticks out his tongue, but his face is serious only a second later. “Is it really  _ starting _ over?” 

Killua shrugs, “That’s something we won’t know until you get off your ass and start training. Honestly, what have you even been  _ doing _ these past years.”

“Normal person things. Mito wanted me to go back to school.” He scratches his head awkwardly, “I was never good at math.”

“ _ That _ I remember.” 

Both boys sigh as they enter another lengthy silence. It feels better this time, though. 

Killua stares at the stars, and it reminds him of a particular memory— a memory he will treasure forever and beyond. 

Twelve-year-old Gon pointed at the sky as they laid on their backs next to each other. “Do you ever wonder how big the sky is?” 

Killua, perplexed, replied bluntly, “no. It’s useful for navigation, I guess, but anything else ‘bout it seems fruitless.” 

Gon hums. He shifts his weight around, trying to find a comfortable body position. “Look over there,” Gon’s pointed finger invades Killua’s peripheral vision, “the two stars by the moon.” 

“And?” Killua asks. It wasn’t dismissive nor rude. Killua just spoke with few words, back then. Stretched communication wasn’t common in missions, so he wasn’t familiar with it until he was around fourteen-years-old.

“Those will be our stars!” Gon declares proudly. 

Killua snorts, “you can’t just  _ claim _ stars, idiot.”

“Why not? It doesn’t have to be an official thing. It’ll just be for us.”

Killua hated how his cheeks burned at that. He feigns indifference, “but why would we need stars?” 

Gon huffs, “well, we won’t  _ need _ them, but someday, you’re going to find something you want to do, and I’ll be with my dad.”

_ Oh, right.  _ It was hard to remember that he was supposed to find what he wanted to do while venturing with Gon. Everything in him said  _ this is already everything I want.  _

Gon continues, “While we’re apart, we’ll always be under the same sky, and those two stars will always be there, as well. Always side-by-side.” 

“Sounds cheesy,” retorted Killua, but he turned his face away from Gon to hide the raging blush scorching his cheeks as the enhancer whined next to him. 

_ Always together, huh?  _ Killua couldn’t help the smile that curled his lips, heart thrumming. 

Now, eighteen-year-old Killua stares at those same stars. One was brighter, outshining the other. For a time, Killua imagined the bright one was Gon but did Gon think the same?

Gon whispers, voice delicate as the chiming wind, “this is where Killua kissed me.” 

Killua didn’t flinch, yet his heart still skipped a beat. “...I didn’t think you remembered that.”

He’s too aware when Gon inches his body closer to him. 

“I won’t forget. Not when it’s Killua.”

The former assassin jolts his head towards Gon. A gasp caught in his throat as their eyes locked. Killua doesn’t think he’s ever seen Gon’s eyes this close. At least, not in a long while. Each breath is shared, bouncing off of each other’s faces, and Killua ponders,  _ when did he get this close? _

“Do you remember, Killua?” 

Killua’s eyes fall half-lid, but he manages to restrain himself from staring at Gon’s lips, the chapped lips that were so close and easy to capture.  _ Yes, he does remember _ . 

“What was your reason?” 

Killua’s breath hitches.  _ A reason.  _ He snaps back into reality and abruptly stands up.  _ The reason  _ was why he ran away after they shared a kiss. Killua was too afraid to see Gon’s reaction then and now was no different. 

But Killua almost did it again. A line, thick but incredibly easy to cross, was disregarded. 

“When Killua ran away, I was worried he regretted it. Was kissing me really  _ that _ bad?” He sounded hurt. 

Killua stares at Gon with wide-eyes. “N-no, that wasn’t it.” He glanced down to his feet like a small child guiltily coming clean to their parents for their misbehavior. “I ran away because…” it’s hot under Gon’s gaze, blazing like an inferno. Killua gulps, “I ran away because I didn’t regret it, and that made me afraid.” He realizes how stupid that sounds when the words leave his mouth.

Gon stands up next to him, approaching slowly, his gaze questioning if it’s okay. Killua nods, and suddenly, they’re standing side-by-side. They both stare at the sliver of sun peeking over the horizon. A morning breeze gently tugs the bangs out of Killua’s eyes. 

“Are we starting over, as well?” Gon asks.

Killua doesn’t tear his gaze from the sunrise that stained the sky a myriad of pinks and oranges. He hums, a smile gracing his lips, “maybe not  _ starting over _ . It’s more like starting back up again.” 

He jolts his hand away upon feeling fingers caress his palm. He sends the enhancer a questioning look, but Gon’s grin doesn’t falter. Gon holds a small box of chocorobos, a shiny red ribbon tied into a bow over the box. Gingerly but surely, he places the present on Killua’s palm. 

“Merry Christmas, Killua.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sometimes wonder if people know who I am despite posting this anon. xD
> 
> I repeat, this isn't a long-as-hell slowburn, but I wanted to separate everything into segments/chapters. In the beginning, I was planning on this just being a really long one-shot. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it so far! Comment your thoughts. <3

**Author's Note:**

> This is like, a long smut one-shot, but I just can’t write a post-canon story of killugon without having *some* background involved. The next chapters will spice things up! >:3
> 
> And constructive feedback would be nice lmao


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